~it was late in September~

inside my room...on my bed..waiting time to sleep but i cant..missing sumone..watching lion king movie at youtube..listening for CRY by mandy moore..actually heard that song after watching a walk to remember movie also at youtube..so..looking at star pic..fb..n blog..hmm..star hate me?? ehem..is that 7 things star hate abt me or just hate 1 thing abt me? i like when star say "Jahatlah awak..." cant imagine how if star say it in front of me..must be..cute?? huhu... but..y did star hate me...just becoz i said no money no love..actually i said No Money No Love No Life..n bcoz of tat statement we hv a big misundertndng n tat time i really scare i lost star..

hmm..in some situation..when people hv no money..they will feel they hv nothing..but if they hv love..tats different..bcoz they can survive for tat love..no metter how to build tat love..they hv to go back to find money..so in this situation..if u hv no money..but u hv love..u will try harder to survive ur life..but if u dun hv money..dun hv love..u will suffer in ur life..its just like u hv nothing in this world..for example here..me..myself..i hv no money..(actually got some la..but not too much..hehe..) but i hv love..(got meh?huhu...)n this love make me to think abt future n bring my life back..i learn many from exprience..n tat exprience make me grow up..i'm not too strong actually..but i hv u star..the person who mke me to be stronger thn bfore..(so now..listening to Stronger by britney spear pulak ok..ahaks~)
u come to my life when i hv nothing.."Thank you awak.."

~let it be a memory~

what memory? hmm..pagi tadi sent dad, mom n imran to kpj..dad hv appoimnt with dr.leong. so..otw back from hospital dad ajak lepak at mamak for lunch. while driving..dengar lak kat radio lagu by simple plan..perfect..suddently feel sad..that song mean so much to me actually..from diploma..tat song such like spirit or sumthing to me..not bcoz of the band..tat becoz of the lyric..the words inside that song so meaningful to me. i'm suffer for 3years just to makes dad proud..n tat song was my theme song on tat time. everytime went i give up..suddently i heard tat song on my mind. so..just finish it~ actually never heard tat song for long time i think..yup..i cant remember what was the last time i heard tat song..after everything happen..finish my dgree..dad recover frm sick..n today i heard back tat song..with dad, mom n lil bro inside car..of coz la rase sebak tu ade kan..tears nasib baik tak jatuh dari mata..n nasib baik wearing sunglasses..huhu~ so..lagu ni yg dah lama tak dengar..time2 camni dengar balik..it will refresh back memory..why meh? PERFECT..BREAKAWAY..THE CLIMB..

dad want me to futher study...hmm..its ok..i thinking abt tat already..b4 this..when i was in lower 6..sumone ask me to apply for uitm..n that person on that time is not really everything for me..but sumthing that i can say..specialchatfren..just like him..lucky me i'm not fall in love with him.heh~ but i just apply coz my dad ask me..he also ask me..n i just apply..then..i got it~ hmm..he tot tat i study at s.alam..but nope. so..he go to futher abroad..he stop frm uitm..n i wish him happy with his career..pilot..n i just want to thank him bcoz give me courage to apply for 1st time. n for this time..i met another courage..this star give me spark..n so wonderfull..this star ask me to apply it also..i just ask tat star abt i just read for the advertsmnt..n tat star ask me just a simple words.."do u like it?..then go for it.." i wish this star will always with me..i wish this star never leave me alone..n i wish i will meet this star soon...u guys dont knw how this star meant so much to me..i also dont knw how to dscribe it..1 thing i knw..this star gv me more courage..more strong..more future..more everything..huhu~ (actually..thats not really 1 rite? too many itsnt? heh~)love u star..from deep inside my heart..

~shud i go or stay?~

go where? no where..just want to out from this hell..actually nope really like that..but want to run from this all stupid people~ yup..maybe they r stupid..but they didnt realize they r stupid~ y? becoz they tot they r gud enuf. study..get gud result for exam..but they dun think abt life~ abt responsibility~ abt people who raise them from baby till now..for so many time i talk to myself..just ignore them..u just do as a child..as long i get what i want..but till when? almost 3 months..actually almost my whole life since we transfer from penang..i carry out all the responsibility..all on my shoulders..i feel all the bad things here..but where is the gudness? maybe the best things was dad recover from sick..yup..almost 3months dad admit..a month paralysed..dad dun know who he is..what happen to him..n most important thing he said that he ready dead..he ready go to hell for punishment..he drink n eat fire from hell..he stay at jungle..he saw the big giant snake with black color n red eyes..people will say..this is the test from God..easy to say..but they dunno how i feel..from kid..till now..i learn so much abt life..learn from my side..my family..enviroment..y did all the bad things i learn? hmm..exprience is education..YES~ totally rite..to much exprience abt bad life also not gud for growth. i glad to say that i'm the 1st in siblings..or i hv nobody in my siblings..but how? shud i kill all of them? y did they didnt think abt responsibility? y did they realize it faster?? dad always say to me..they cannot think clear yet..if u dunwan to do..its ok..just dun do..but how? how could i be like that? just ignore dad same as them? the stupid fellow? dad started working today coz that stupid govment doctor didnt gv mc..so i bcme the driver..its ok..normal for me as a driver since i got my driving licence when i was 17yrs old..sent dad to ipk..then go to restaurant..go to market..then go back sending all things to restaurant..cook..went to bank..to dad office to pick up the medicine later..to hospital to take dads medicine..n meet nurse who incharge dad for some stupid things..go back to dad office to pick up him..then we go to dialysis center to register dad there..n sent dad to barbershop..back home at 6.30pm...n nobody cook rice for dad??? thats what i say they all stupid~ i cant stand n my temper ready over the limit..they know rice finish already n nobody go to buy it? damn~ shit~ n lucky i didnt hold knife or sumthing i can kill people..if not..i will feel glad to go to jail..from stay at this hell with this stupid syaitan~