~for the first time we having a serious discussion~

"baby..can i ask u somthing?"
"go on.."
"y u suddenly ask me abt all this?"
"huhu..i already know u will ask this..each time u text nana ur like miss ur family. each time i tell abt mom and dad u will exited. and i know how ur feelings at tat time. ur family is mine too. so it's our resposible bring our family together again."
"n knw wat happen to me now?"
"huhu u must think abt me na? huhu"
":) if i'm crying now?"
"yup i thought so..atleast cry now..dun keep wit u..tat will make u feel better"
"nape nak wat i nangis..baby..baby.."
"hney i didnt meant to do tat. but i want u be happy. u always try to hide ur feelings.."
"i'm happy..happy wit u..my new life..

hmm...kata orang..bila kita bercakap kita akan lupa apa yang kita katakan..tapi bila kita tulis..kita akan ingat dan baca semula apa yang ditulis itu selagi ada dalam simpanan..dan aku...terus menangis apabila membaca apa yang ditulis kepadaku..kerana ia sangat menyentuh jiwaku..kerana dia telah membuat aku menangis..kerana dia sangat menenangkan jiwaku akhirnya..kerana dia segalanya bagiku...dan dia adalah satu-satunya yang bisa membuat aku menangis dan tersenyum dalam satu masa..dan dia adalah satu-satunya yang bisa membuat aku marah dan pemaaf dalam sekelip mata..dan dia adalah satu-satunya yang bisa membuat aku ketawa dan tersenyum gembira akhirnya...aku akan jatuh kerana dia..aku akan bangun kerana dia..aku akan teruskan hidup bersama dia..selamanya..dan keakhirnya..insyaAllah..Amin~

7.2.2010
3:18am

~The Brooke Ellison Story~

Its been long time i'm looking for this movie since first time i watch it long time ago..i cant remember the title..but this is the story that i will never forget from my memory..from the normal kid..going to school..dancing..got everything in her life..but one day this gurl was struck by a car in 1990 at age 11..leaving her paralyzed from the neck down and ventilator-dependent..and she's the best graduate from Harvard University. HOW THIS GURL SURVIVE? Finding Hope and Overcoming Challenges..her story giving inspiration to me..give me courage..and life..i was down..really hard for me to walk again..i was give up on my life..i was give up to look after my family..but this movie bring light to me..this movie make me realize on life..and this song..the words..really meant so much to me..and i dedicated this for someone that i love..my everything..and i want u to be like this gurl..be strong..take her courage..take her spirit..be a gud person..i love u baby..

You don't have to dry your eyes,
Go ahead and cry,
Let your sweet tears stain my shoulder.
It's good to get it off your chest
Give your troubled soul a rest
And let somebody hold you.

It's gonna be ok,
It's gonna be alright,
Tomorrow is a new day
Oh, you see it in a new light.
Try to keep your head up,
Don't you ever give up,
Even if your heart breaks
Yeah, it's gonna be ok.
It's gonna be ok...

When hurt is all you feel inside,
'Cause you failed with one you tried
It's best to put that thing behind you
It may don't look so good right now
But it's gonna change somehow
All that I can do is remind you...

It's gonna be ok,
You're gonna be alright,
Tomorrow is a new day
Oh, you see it in a new light.
Try to keep your head up,
Oh, don't you ever give up
Even if your heart breaks
Yeah, it's gonna be ok.

It's gonna be ok...
You've gotta find the way to keep your faith
'Cause someday someone is gonna need to hear you say:

It's gonna be ok,
You're gonna be alright
Tomorrow is a new day
You see it in a new light
Oh, try to keep your head up
But don't you ever give up
Even if your heart breaks
Yeah, It's gonna be ok, (it's gonna be alright)

It's gonna be ok
You're gonna be alright
Tomorrow is a new day
Oh, you see it in a new light
But try to keep your head up
Don't you ever give up
Even if your heart breaks
Oh, it's gonna be ok

It's gonna be ok...
You're gonna be alright
But try to keep your head up
Don't you ever give up
It's gonna be ok.

~Where were you last nite..?~Moulin Rouge

"...And special thanks to my love..thank's for your support and thnak's for your funny things..and thank's for the fight...thank's for the sweet day...thank's for the sweet nite...and thank's for everything...."

pls dont ever say that words..thanks for everything..that everything word..thats really hard for me..that word..was happen to me a few years ago..and i dont want it happen again..no text from u today..what happen to u? where have u been today? i dont care what happen to u..what i know that i wont let u go..i wont leave u..i dont want u to say that word again pls..i will pray for u..Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect. Remember all things happen for reason. God always with us..

17.1.2010
2am

~Thank God~

Finally..on 04.01.2010 at 1224pm setelah seharian hidup aku tak menentu..akhirnya dia text jugak..terima kasih Tuhan..Kau tunaikan doaku utk dia seperti Kau tunaikan doaku utk ayah ku..akan aku tunaikan apa yg aku kotakan padaMu..Kau telah selamatkan mereka..dan janji aku..Kau boleh kurangkan jangka hayat aku..Amin~

~Ya Allah..tolong selamatkan dia..~

y did i cant write this? actually..i want to write sumthing abt my feeling rite now..but..it cant go out..just keep inside there.."Ya Allah...tolong beri aku kekuatan untuk tempuhi dugaanMu buat kali ke-2 ini Ya Allah.."

30.12.2009 - 2024pm
text in - "huhu love u..what will if one day i'm no more.."
text out- "wat r u talking abt?"
text in - "yeah..one day everyone will leave the world rite"
text out- "wat is goin on?"
text in - "just ask la dear"
text out- "y suddenly u ask abt this?"
text in - "nothing..muah"
text out- "how r u my love?"
text in - "fine..but not well.get treatment now.so bored.."
text out- "wat? wat treatment?"
text in - "it's erm..my back bone they said lack of protein.and its have some problem which i also dun know. i asked mom she just said nothing to worry"

y did all this thing happen to me?? 1st dad..and now..u..what i've done..?? y me?? God..i'm not too strong to face it for 2nd time..cukup la dgn ayah..jangan Kau uji aku dgn sakitkan dia..1st day dia admited dia still text aku..2nd day still her..3rd day..pun dia bgtau getting better n maybe esok dh discharge..4th? nana yg text..nana bgtau she sleeping..dia x sedar lg after 2nd surgery..and maybe will doin 3rd surgery tonite..and today..day 5..no text from any of them..aku dah x tau nak wat ape..just pray to God..keep on read old text..ym..masa ayah teruk dia byk support aku..dia la yg buat aku kuat..she gv me courage..strong..hope..always with me..n sbb dia aku kuat..not now..Tuhan..jangan Kau hilangkan kekuatan aku itu Ya Allah..aku mohom padaMu Ya Allah..aku sanggup Kau kurangkan jangka hayat hidup ku utk sembuhkan dia..sama seperti Kau sembuhkan ayah aku Ya Allah..

love u baby..
04.01.2010

~it was late in September~

inside my room...on my bed..waiting time to sleep but i cant..missing sumone..watching lion king movie at youtube..listening for CRY by mandy moore..actually heard that song after watching a walk to remember movie also at youtube..so..looking at star pic..fb..n blog..hmm..star hate me?? ehem..is that 7 things star hate abt me or just hate 1 thing abt me? i like when star say "Jahatlah awak..." cant imagine how if star say it in front of me..must be..cute?? huhu... but..y did star hate me...just becoz i said no money no love..actually i said No Money No Love No Life..n bcoz of tat statement we hv a big misundertndng n tat time i really scare i lost star..

hmm..in some situation..when people hv no money..they will feel they hv nothing..but if they hv love..tats different..bcoz they can survive for tat love..no metter how to build tat love..they hv to go back to find money..so in this situation..if u hv no money..but u hv love..u will try harder to survive ur life..but if u dun hv money..dun hv love..u will suffer in ur life..its just like u hv nothing in this world..for example here..me..myself..i hv no money..(actually got some la..but not too much..hehe..) but i hv love..(got meh?huhu...)n this love make me to think abt future n bring my life back..i learn many from exprience..n tat exprience make me grow up..i'm not too strong actually..but i hv u star..the person who mke me to be stronger thn bfore..(so now..listening to Stronger by britney spear pulak ok..ahaks~)
u come to my life when i hv nothing.."Thank you awak.."

~let it be a memory~

what memory? hmm..pagi tadi sent dad, mom n imran to kpj..dad hv appoimnt with dr.leong. so..otw back from hospital dad ajak lepak at mamak for lunch. while driving..dengar lak kat radio lagu by simple plan..perfect..suddently feel sad..that song mean so much to me actually..from diploma..tat song such like spirit or sumthing to me..not bcoz of the band..tat becoz of the lyric..the words inside that song so meaningful to me. i'm suffer for 3years just to makes dad proud..n tat song was my theme song on tat time. everytime went i give up..suddently i heard tat song on my mind. so..just finish it~ actually never heard tat song for long time i think..yup..i cant remember what was the last time i heard tat song..after everything happen..finish my dgree..dad recover frm sick..n today i heard back tat song..with dad, mom n lil bro inside car..of coz la rase sebak tu ade kan..tears nasib baik tak jatuh dari mata..n nasib baik wearing sunglasses..huhu~ so..lagu ni yg dah lama tak dengar..time2 camni dengar balik..it will refresh back memory..why meh? PERFECT..BREAKAWAY..THE CLIMB..

dad want me to futher study...hmm..its ok..i thinking abt tat already..b4 this..when i was in lower 6..sumone ask me to apply for uitm..n that person on that time is not really everything for me..but sumthing that i can say..specialchatfren..just like him..lucky me i'm not fall in love with him.heh~ but i just apply coz my dad ask me..he also ask me..n i just apply..then..i got it~ hmm..he tot tat i study at s.alam..but nope. so..he go to futher abroad..he stop frm uitm..n i wish him happy with his career..pilot..n i just want to thank him bcoz give me courage to apply for 1st time. n for this time..i met another courage..this star give me spark..n so wonderfull..this star ask me to apply it also..i just ask tat star abt i just read for the advertsmnt..n tat star ask me just a simple words.."do u like it?..then go for it.." i wish this star will always with me..i wish this star never leave me alone..n i wish i will meet this star soon...u guys dont knw how this star meant so much to me..i also dont knw how to dscribe it..1 thing i knw..this star gv me more courage..more strong..more future..more everything..huhu~ (actually..thats not really 1 rite? too many itsnt? heh~)love u star..from deep inside my heart..